Things done well:
The news release was information dense, ensuring that the readers were exposed to a ton of information through their reading. This is notable because the news release summarized a decent amount of information from past studies and current discoveries. Especially, since exomoons are a relatively newer discovery it is important that the article be thorough.
Since the article was released from the Columbia University research team it would be possible that they chose to exclude certain drawbacks or opposing opinions in their writing. However, by including quotes from Michael Hippke they ensure that point of views is not completely one-sided. To a certain extent this lends itself to the possibility for further growth in the research and room for more discovery. For example, when Hippke says, “I am very excited to see a second exomoon candidate, although it is unfortunate that only two transits have been observed. More data would be very cool”
Including a strong lede, the writing was clear and easy to follow. This was important given that the information is scientific, on a topic that not all readers are well acquainted with. Overall, this aided with the fluency.
With heavier, scientific new releases, exempting readers who are truly in the field, it is possible that readers’ attention span is lacking. This in mind it is beneficial that the release was short enough that it is still readable.
While limited in nature, the choice of quotes from the sources was good. Seems like the writer chose quotes that made the researchers more personable and understandable. The spacing of the quotes was also well managed such that there was an equal balance of direct information, paraphrased sentences, and quotes. For example, diction such as wierdos. Kipping is quoted saying, “The first detections in any survey will generally be the weirdos. The big ones that are simply easiest to detect with our limited sensitivity. In addition to this, the inclusion of a video helped enrich the article such that it was more robust.
Need to improve on:
As mentioned above the release seems thorough in terms of information. However, it does not really include a lot of points of views. The quotes are limited to three sources, Eric Agol, Michael Hippke and David Kipping. While this number of sources is fairly standard, the length of their quotes are also considerably less.
While this article is interesting in nature and attempts to make the read short and engaging. It is difficult to see how this related to the reader in a direct manner. The news itself of exomoons being discovered is a considerable one. Perhaps if they included some more implications of what this meant for the reader this would be cleared up.
Linking to the above point, the article is dense and contains terms that make less sense to individuals who have not read David Kipping’s paper. Using terms like ‘terra incognita,’ or frequent reference to various planets like ‘Kepler 1708b’ or ‘Kepler 1625.’
To make the news release more relevant to the reader perhaps refereeing exact actions to be taken in the future will be helpful.
A news release in a culmination of the writing, links, as well as additional media such as pictures and videos. The reason for this is because they together paint a picture and add value to the readers experience. With this in mind, the actual spacing and structure of the news releases was a bit askew. Perhaps having the video, a little later in the article would have been helpful.